Being empty
on sun days and other
cast offs by holy obligation
I am at liberty to invent
my memory.
That couple with baby
shaded in her pram,
how the father holds the
mother’s hand:
It is me who is loved,
their path is my past
endowed with memory of her
tired face, the way
she sits, silent in dawn
breastfeeding
her cantankerous one
and how he sees her in
that beginning light
sees his own time in her
profile,
watches, aches.
Has this got a title ?
ReplyDeleteI liked the shape- a sort of provisional uncertainty reflected through structure.
"Invent my memory" is very interesting and i liked the movement of the poem towards the couple after the first 5 lines. "It is me who is loved" seems pivotal,an important hinge to the whole poem.It is almost in the middle of the poem and it seems like the main call of the writing.
The last 2 "hers"- is the father referring to child or mother ? (sorry)
Reminds me a little of the structure of some of Lawrence Ferlinghetti's poems.
Thanks for the feedback - really valuable. Your approach is great.
ReplyDeleteTitle functions as the first line.
I will look again at the end bit though I knew it was ambiguous and thought that right. Three people enveloped in this intensity of love and the demands of a newborn, and an outsider transferring the feelings onto her own invented past. That's what I was at.
I will also look up Ferlinghetti, don't think I know him.
Love your photo - was it taken this weekend?