Wonder if you moved "hang" to end of previous line, you then have the mimeticism of "hanging" between lines. The first stanza is strong. You have one full stop (only)-is this what you want ? Could punctuation be eradicated completely ?
I really like the atmosphere you have created- she has the power and as with James' poem you invoke "you" but this time at the end. Who is "you" ?
I liked this.
ReplyDeleteWonder if you moved "hang" to end of previous line, you then have the mimeticism of "hanging" between lines.
The first stanza is strong.
You have one full stop (only)-is this what you want ? Could punctuation be eradicated completely ?
I really like the atmosphere you have created- she has the power and as with James' poem you invoke "you" but this time at the end. Who is "you" ?